Tales from the Enchanted Kingdom: Exodus (2005)

Touted as the first Filipino film to have extensive use of CGI effects, Exodus stars Senator Ramon Bong Revilla Jr. (yes he is currently a member of the Philippine senate! ) and his father ex-Senator Ramon Revilla Sr. (No wonder why these two didn't make enough laws to uplift the country from its economic woes!). Anyway, this movie which is partly produced by an amusement park company, the Enchanted Kingdom, was directed by the avant-garde director Erik Matti.

The plot of this movie is very simple that even if you go out of the moviehouse thirty times you would not miss anything. A certain barrio called Bantayan is plagued by shadowy men (literally and figuratively) who dresses up as carabaos and crawls even if they can walk upright. The leader of these poorly clad "monsters" is the Philippine RnB prince Jay-R (can't they find someone else?) who plays the role of Haring Bagulbol. This king of darkness prefers to bathe in , guess what, dirty water and has a fetish for oriental masks and flowing gowns.

Of course, the lead role with a forgettable name (thank God!) has to be assisted by four magical creatures. But from the recruitment part until the very last scene the movie moves on to a catatonic pace. The heroes travel around grasslands, forests and what looks like a soap factory that has been closed down. Though the movie has probably the most cinematic fight scenes in all Philippine fantasy movies, it fails miserably to excite the audience.

Here are the reasons why I think you should stay away from this movie:

1) It has no plot. Just watch the trailer and you already get the point of the film.
2) The production designer forgot that putting withered plants in the set does not really make it attractive.
3) The costume designer got confused whether Bong Revilla was playing a drag punk queen or Xena the warrior princess (what's with the bra and tiara anyway?).
4) The mascot of Enchanted Kingdom is so annoying and hard sells the amusement park where he resides.
5) It stars a senator who ought to be drafting laws for the country and an ex-senator whose only bill in Senate was the recognition of cockfighting as national sport.
6) It is endorsed by a senator, Franklin Drilon, who said on TV that you (as a Filipino) will feel proud to have seen this movie.

The Fanatic Verdict: Stay in your homes if you don't want to have your wallets ripped off.